


make it (stop) hurt(ing)

by aortaxx



Category: Naruto
Genre: Anal Fingering, Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Post-Episode 109, Substance Abuse, and bc he and iruka are still a New thing it takes a bit of help to bring that to light, basically kakashi has unhealthy coping mechanisms, it's angst but basically turns into smutty fluff, not a pwp but i just like thinking abt their dynamic so it ended up as this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2020-10-10 16:41:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20531186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aortaxx/pseuds/aortaxx
Summary: set post-episode 109 aka sasuke's departure from konoha!!! kakashi has been acting strange lately and although this relationship was still new, iruka could tell that something was off... but after a bad confrontation, there is a helpful ANBU that just might be able to give iruka the nudge in the right direction that he needs to get through to his lover





	make it (stop) hurt(ing)

**Author's Note:**

> honestly this is my all-time favorite pairing from this series....... it's been a while since i've been into them, but here we are :') i love them so utterly much and so i finally came up with this idea for them! i hope you like it, so enjoy!
> 
> *DISCLAIMER: i am personally someone who has dealt with substance abuse in the past, so be aware that i don't want to glorify it in any way in this fic and that no "one person" will be able to just get you out of your addiction like that: it is a progress that you yourself need to be willing to go through, but having someone by your side helps a lot! if this gets a lot of good feedback, i will consider writing a second part focusing more on kakashi's recovery from his point of view to do this topic justice as it deserves :)

In the beginning, it was just small things. Kakashi would bump into the edges of furniture or take a weird step, his reactions were slowed even to touch (not by much, but it was there). At first Iruka assumed it was because his lover was still upset about Sasuke’s departure and all the guilt of having his team split apart so forcibly— but when Iruka actually managed to graze Kakashi’s arm with a very obviously thrown shuriken was when he truly felt his worries bubble to a climax.

“Kakashi, are you okay?”

“_Maa_, why would I not be? I’m just getting old, that’s all.”

It’s the crinkle of his eyes that is supposed to reassure Iruka, but he hates not seeing Kakashi’s whole face, but they were in public (more or less), so he just kept a calculating gaze on the other man, who didn’t even flinch when Iruka dipped his finger into the wound. He knew Kakashi’s pain tolerance was high, but something about this didn’t feel right at all.

[*]

He chose to let it go, but that didn’t stop him from worrying one bit. He really doesn’t like to meddle into other people’s business (especially not of people he loves and trusts), but that also didn’t stop him from going through a few of Kakashi’s things when they were at his place again. The older shinobi had always been extraordinarily clean (at least when it came to his apartment) and Iruka knew that he would be able to tell if he ended up misplacing something, his lover would know right away. But when he found a set of strange pills that he had never seen before in Kakashi’s bathroom, confrontation couldn’t be avoided anymore anyway.

“… Did you have a surgery recently and didn't tell me about it?”

He was going to play this tactical, he decided. Kakashi was smart, but there was a reason he had never been recruited to Ibiki’s department. The other man had been making tea right as Iruka ambushed him in the kitchen, so he turned slowly and his expression was unreadable— even without the mask on.

“No, I didn’t.”

The teacher wished he could say that that was a relief, but that just left him with another (if not more) uncomfortable truth as he pulled out the bottle of pills and smacked it down (maybe a bit too harshly) on the kitchen table. Kakashi’s expression doesn’t change, but he did end up staring at the container for a while before raising his eyes to meet Iruka’s again, not seeming very impressed, but Iruka wasn’t done yet.

“Then why have you been taking these?”

“I haven’t. Why would I?”

Lying is second nature to a shinobi, everyone knows that. But the fact that Kakashi would lie to him over something like _this_ only infuriated Iruka even more, now gripping the case more tightly as the space between his brows began to crinkle.

“Why are you lying to me? Do you think I haven’t seen you bump into my furniture all the time? Or how your walk is a bit off-pace sometimes? Or even how you didn’t dodge my very obvious shuriken a few days ago?”

Now Kakashi turned away from him and Iruka knew him well enough to know that he wanted his mask right now— he always felt more vulnerable without it, something he had told Iruka on multiple occasions, late at night or in the early morning hours, whispered it into the rise of his shoulder blade or into the cascade of his hair when Iruka was only vaguely listening. It moves something in him and he suddenly shakes his head a bit before approaching the other man slowly, reaching out to hold his hand.

“Do you not trust my word?”

Kakashi had pulled his hand back and his expression was stone-cold now if it had been simply unimpressed before. It frightened Iruka in a way that he had not felt from Kakashi before, even when they were doing serious sparring sessions in the forest. His hand drops as he looks Kakashi over and without a warning, simply in the heat of his anger, he pushed at Kakashi’s shoulder.

Not hard enough to send him flying, but hard enough for him to lose his balance— of course Iruka steadied him in time before his lover’s head hit the wall behind him, but this time the other man couldn’t hide his perplexed emotion. Iruka just sighed as he took a step back and felt like he was dealing with school children all over again.

“Kakashi, are you in pain? You can tell me if you…—“

“I am _not_. What I would rather like to know is why you went through my stuff in the first place.”

The other shinobi was a master at deflection as well, but Iruka is not one to just be fed horseshit, especially during crucial times like these. He rubs his temples as he takes another step back and feels a headache practically building at the front of his head already as Kakashi keeps on watching him with hawk eyes, now more guarded than Iruka had ever seen him in the last few weeks, his lips thin (which Iruka knew meant he was gritting his teeth in a closed mouth). Taking a deep breath, he finally meets Kakashi’s heavy gaze and crosses his arms.

“If you are not in pain and still taking such strong medication that would usually need to be prescribed by a medical shinobi, I will be forced to report this to the Hokage.”

The older man stares at him and Iruka is sure that hit somewhere, but it didn’t show much on Kakashi’s face. It reminds him how new all of this is, how much both of them had felt burdened by the loss of Sasuke and he hated how this turned out to be how they chose to cope with it. A couple of moments passed, before Iruka dropped his shoulders a little and sighed.

“Kakashi, if you have any trouble with _anything_ at all, you know you can talk to me, right?”

“Mhm.”

A hum with very little feeling in it was returned as Kakashi turned to his tea (now probably cold already) without meeting Iruka’s eye again. Iruka also hated how much he felt like he was the childish one simply because he let his emotions control him more than Kakashi did and as a sudden slash of impulse, he turned on his heels and exited the jōnin’s apartment without as much as a goodbye. If he let his anger blow up right now, things would only get worse.

[*]

What Iruka did not expect though, was a knock on his window a day later from an ANBU wearing a cat-like mask, which already scared the shit out of him anyways (because an ANBU at your window never meant anything good), so he was off to a great start to the day. Trying not to trip too much in order to get over to the window as fast as possible, Iruka pulled it open with a polite smile.

“What can I help you with, ANBU-san?”

“... I think it’s more of the other way around, Iruka-sensei.”

That just leaves Iruka to raise a brow as he stepped back to let the ANBU inside of his apartment, hopping off the window sill and into his bedroom (which was embarrassingly messy, but he was too interested to let that bother him right now).

“What do you mean by that?”

“I overheard your… _confrontation_ with Kakashi Hatake the other evening, while on patrol.”

That let Iruka’s shoulders stiffen a bit more, because this could get bad— if someone of authority got a whiff of this problem, it could escalate far beyond what Iruka wanted (even if he wasn’t sure what he wanted in the first place), so he just nodded slowly as the ANBU watched him for a response to the revelation.

“I am also aware of your relationship to Kakashi-senpai and I think you are… _good_ for him. Which is why I want to tell you something that might help you settle your disagreement.”

“… Okay?”

Iruka was getting more and more confused by the moment, but was trying not to let it show too much. He was aware that Kakashi had been in the ANBU (even if only by the glaring red tattoo on his biceps), but the other man didn’t speak of his time there. Of course he must have had relations there as well and right now, Iruka was curious to see how these relations would turn out for him in this moment specifically.

“I used to serve with Kakashi-senpai before he became a team leader. He was my captain for a very long time and I do care for his well-being. So I want to let you know that this is not the first time he has done this.”

“Done… _what_, exactly?”

“Abuse pain medication.”

It hit differently when said out loud, Iruka found. The pit in his stomach told him right away how utterly much he had wished he wasn’t right, that he was simply imagining things and Kakashi would never lie to him— but here it was, the truth, served cold and fresh by an unknown ANBU who had god knows what else in store for the teacher. But before he could even form a reply, the ANBU continued on.

“He started after losing… a subordinate, you could say. He took even more on missions to be able to be more reckless with his attacks, take more hits because he couldn’t feel as much pain and use it to shoot back twice as hard. At least until his superior heard of it and took him off missions outside the village walls. He ended up completely sobering up during this time-out.”

This was… a lot for Iruka to process, but he took it as he would a mission briefing, nodding after every sentence and listening attentively. If an ANBU chose to share this information with him, it was sure to be very important.

“What I am trying to say is that it is an old and harmful coping mechanism he has fallen back into. He becomes very unlike himself, I know this first-hand. You have to be delicate when it comes to the subject, but if you feel like you cannot handle him and his problem on your own, please do not hesitate to contact an ANBU or even the Hokage. Good luck, Iruka-sensei.”

And with that, the masked man jumped back out of his window as quickly as he had slipped inside, leaving Iruka at an utter loss with all the information he had gathered from his conversation. After shakily closing the window, Iruka sat down on the edge of his bed, dumbly staring at the wooden floor of his apartment, still processing everything quietly. This was all very important stuff that he felt glad he knew about now, because before he really wasn’t able to understand why Kakashi would do something like that, but now it made more sense. This was Kakashi's personal way of dealing with Sasuke becoming a missing-nin.

[*]

With this new background information, Iruka felt more confident to approach Kakashi one more time about the topic and otherwise he would have to get the authorities involved, even if he _really_ didn’t want to. That also meant it was very calculated when he knocked on Kakashi’s front door with takeaway in his hand and a small smile on his face. Kakashi just rose a suspicious eyebrow, but Iruka squeezed past his lover without much thought, already having his mind made up.

“Is this your way of apologizing, Iruka-sensei?”

“No, this is my way of establishing a dialogue. It works on Naruto, so maybe it’ll work on you too.”

That gets him a very fake comment about being hurt, but that was really all Kakashi had to offer in terms of reaction as the younger man prepared plates for them, very much itching to be able to sit down and talk properly and once they were munching away happily, Iruka decided to reveal a little bit of his enlightening visitor yesterday.

“Yesterday an ANBU visited me at my apartment. He told me he heard our… _disagreement_, as he called it and said that he knew you.”

“… What mask was he wearing?”

“I believe it was a cat, why?”

Kakashi grunted in reply as he scratched a bit harshly on his plate with his chopsticks, which was enough for Iruka to believe that his lover at least knew that ANBU. He carefully took his last bite before leaning back in his chair, watching Kakashi finish eating in peace and giving him time to be able to mentally prepare himself at least a little for the conversation he must know they were about to have.

“He told me that this wasn’t the first time you had taken these so… often. That you used them as a way of coping with loss.”

Now Kakashi was finished and just staring at him again across the table, arms folded once more without making any motion to reply. So Iruka extended his arm towards the other shinobi, opening his palm in the middle of the table, almost pleading with Kakashi to put his hand in his own. The older man still looked suspicious, but ended up taking Iruka’s invitation, letting him clasp his hand in a loving grip as Iruka sighed across the table, his thumb swiping gently over the rise and fall of Kakashi’s rough knuckles.

“I know that this… _we_ are still new, but I love you. If you want to talk about anything at all, you can trust me with it. I promise on Naruto’s life.”

This was not a promise he gave easily, but he had given it right in this moment and just by how Kakashi’s eyes flickered the tiniest bit, Iruka saw that he had reached him. He adverted his gaze, but as long as Iruka was able to keep holding his hand, he would let him do whatever he wanted.

“Take your time. I won’t go anywhere.”

A few minutes pass in complete silence and Iruka just continues to caress every inch of skin on the back of Kakashi’s hand with his thumb as the jōnin stared at the wall across the room, seemingly lost in thought and Iruka just let him wander until he was ready to speak.

“It makes it… more bearable.”

“Makes _what_ more bearable?”

“_Everything_.”

It hurt Iruka deep in his chest, to hear how numbly Kakashi spoke of such great pain. His suffering become more apparent with mere seconds passing them, the grip on Iruka’s hand becoming stronger, as if he was trying to make sure Iruka wouldn’t slip out of his grip suddenly. Iruka got up, slowly but surely without letting go of Kakashi’s hand for a single moment. Now Kakashi was looking up at him and while he didn’t show any visible emotion, his eyes seemed so _pained_— the sharingan spinning lazily as it met Iruka’s sorry eyes.

“This isn’t healthy, Kakashi. It might help you feel less pain, but what about the good and beautiful things you could feel?”

He leans in and kisses his lover ever-so-slowly on the lips, pressing just enough to be sure Kakashi could feel them through his barrier of numbness. When he pulled back, Kakashi’s hand was shaking in his grip and he looked positively overwhelmed with it all. So Iruka softly tugged at his hand, pulled him up from his seat and took him into his arms, holding him as tightly as he could without making the other man feel restricted.

“I am sure you have experienced so much pain up to now… More than enough for one lifetime. But I want to change that. The question is if you will _let_ me.”

They hadn’t made love yet, only some making out and cuddling in bed on a few occasions, but Iruka had never wanted to show Kakashi his love as much as he did right now. With a similar idea in mind, Kakashi hungrily kissed him, forcefully backing Iruka’s hips into the edge of the kitchen table, but even in his feverish daze of love, Iruka managed to pull himself together and gently grasp Kakashi’s face in his hands to look at him properly.

“You are still high, Kakashi. Don’t take any more tonight and don’t take any tomorrow morning, either. And I promise I will show you that not everything is as painful as it might feel to you right now.”

Kakashi looks at him, eyes watching him attentively (surprisingly much so, for someone who was still under influence), but he just took a small step back and nodded slightly. It was good enough for Iruka, who gave him another soft kiss full of devotion as he slowly led Kakashi into the bedroom, where he was quick to make a blanket burrito out of the two of them, keeping his hands tightly around Kakashi’s hips as he tucked his face into the crook of his lover’s neck, floating off with a gentle whisper.

“_Thank you for trusting me_.”

[*]

In the morning, Kakashi is still safely secured in his arms, but he stirs awake as soon as Iruka does, because of course a shinobi never sleeps too deep, even in his own four walls. He uses that time to plant a couple of tingling kisses on his lover’s neck, smiling as he noticed the slight tremor running through his lover’s body as he did.

“Can you feel that? This is your reward for trusting me.”

His hands travel a little, finding Kakashi’s hipbones and thumbing over them, continuing on with soft kisses all over the other shinobi’s neck, just enjoying the small reactions Kakashi’s body was feeding him after he missed out on it for so long. He knew that the medication wears off after a night, so as long as Kakashi hadn't taken any new ones, he would be perfectly sober again now. His trust was rewarded, seeing as just a slight graze of Iruka’s nails let Kakashi’s spine arch a bit under the touch and Iruka was already becoming heady from even just this little game, intoxicated by Kakashi’s trust and simple reactions.

“My reward is _teasing_?”

Iruka could hear that Kakashi’s voice was strained, but he hadn’t made the slightest motion to move away, which led Iruka to the only other logical conclusion— his lover was enjoying it as much as he was. But that didn’t mean Iruka wanted to force anything at all.

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

“Is that your game, Iruka? You lure me in with a naughty promise, only to become a gentleman at the very last minute?”

The small chuckle resonating inside Kakashi’s body told him that he was completely relaxed, right here in Iruka’s arms and Iruka was sure that he was going to _die_ from how drunk he felt, how warm and mushy it made him feel to know that Kakashi trusted him so utterly much. In a moment of heated love, Iruka sucked a dark hickey into the side of his lover’s neck, earning him a gasp and a hard shudder, both reactions going straight to Iruka’s groin.

“I’m just making sure that you know what you’re getting into.”

“I’m not sure if I do know, but that doesn’t make me want it any less.”

Iruka smiled against the bruised skin in sheer disbelief that he was actually able to fall in love with this man even more than before, parting his lips just in time to catch Kakashi’s own moving against them. He really loved this man so utterly much that it was almost ridiculous, but that only fueled him more as he propped himself up on his elbow to look at his lover one more time.

“So you’re sure?”

“You act like I’m a frail virgin. I am positive.”

“Good. Because I love you and I want to show you just _how_ much.”

He said that and yet noticed Kakashi’s confused expression once Iruka gently rolled him onto his back and kissed over his neck again, seemingly not getting enough of the delicate skin there, enjoying just how easy it was to bruise.

“I haven’t been in this kind of position before, though. You are full of surprises, Iruka-sensei.”

Iruka stares into his lover’s mismatched eyes, a hand on Kakashi’s thigh as he felt the slight trembling, clearly telling him that this was uncharted territory for the other man. He took a moment to take Kakashi in like this, on his back, with his legs parted just enough to fit Iruka between them and Iruka was now blushing a little at his own courage.

“You mean you have never… _bottomed_ before?”

“Very keen observation, sensei.”

That only let another wave of lust spike through Iruka, let his grip become a little stronger as Kakashi pushed into it and he’s almost certain that he is going to collapse from all the things his lover was making him feel at once. Never had his brain felt as pleasantly dizzy as it did right now, with Kakashi’s thighs pressing against him and chest already blushing from the heat, a heat Iruka was causing inside of him.

“I mean… If you don’t feel comfortable like this, we can…—“

“No, I trust you.”

It’s amazing how such a simple statement made Iruka feel as if all the air had been punched out of him and he just looks down at one of the most famous shinobi in the village spread under him, trusting him _completely_. If he hadn’t been fully thrown for a loop before, he certainly was now.

“You are too good, Kakashi. _Gods_…”

He let his hands wander again and how utterly easy it was to get a reaction out of Kakashi now that his body’s sensitivity was so much higher than it had ever been in the past weeks pleased Iruka beyond measure. He was going to make sure that Kakashi could drown in pleasure instead, drown in Iruka’s love and feel it all ten-fold. His hands were feverishly touching the other man, just trying to take as much of him in at once as he could and even if Kakashi only gave him little breaths and stifled noises, his body spoke volumes.

“If you ever feel uncomfortable or if it’s too much, tell me right away. I don't want to overstimulate you.”

Kakashi nodded, almost annoyed by his worries as he pushed his hips up and now Iruka was the one to shudder, not expecting such sudden friction against his cock, making them both hiss in pleasure. It was amazing, feeling Kakashi’s nails dig into his arm as their hips just grinded together as if they were still inexperienced teenagers just trying to get off, but Iruka found it within himself to pull away as to not cum right then and there.

“You are so beautiful. Let me make you feel good.”

Luckily the slight dust of red on Kakashi’s pale cheeks doesn’t pass Iruka as he grabbed his trusty tube of lube and decided that he would just feed Kakashi as much love as he could, nudging at his lover’s side to make him turn over.

“Get on your hands and knees, it will be a lot more comfortable.”

“Mhm, how considerate of you.”

The jōnin was quick to comply and Iruka smiles as frees the other of his underwear, exposing his erection and ass to the world, noticing the shudder as Iruka’s finger brushed the tip of his cock on the way down with a smile. He already knows that Kakashi will whine during prep, so he wastes no time gently applying lube and just circling his hole with his finger, his other hand rested against his lover’s hip for balance and encouragement.

“Push back. I promise it’ll feel good.”

He was amazed by how easily Kakashi followed his commands as Iruka watched with fascination how his finger disappeared inside his shaking lover bit by bit. It was truly breathtaking how much of a reaction Iruka could get out of the older man with so little effort, softly rubbing his lover’s side in a circling motion to soothe him through the motions. Even as Iruka gently added another finger, he heard a small moan escape from the other shinobi, whose thrusts backwards were getting more and more frantic every time.

“I have never seen you like this before, Kakashi.”

It’s so honest that he’s sure Kakashi was going to cum right there with how much he clenched around Iruka’s fingers, but he seemed to hold on for dear life, his erection hanging heavy in the air under him. The teacher pressed a soft kiss to his lover’s lower back as he stopped for a moment, whispering into the pale skin there instead.

“We don’t have to do more than this. I just want you to enjoy what you feel.”

“_Maa_, sensei…”

In all the time Iruka has spent with Kakashi, he has not once heard his voice waver, but this was pretty damn close. He shuffled onto his knees to properly crouch over Kakashi’s body with his own, pressing soft kisses to the other shinobi’s scarred shoulder blades while his lover made soft sounds of pleasure under him, his entire body shaking as Iruka whispered sweet nothings into his ear.

It didn’t take long for Kakashi to cum (untouched, even) and his knees gave out right then and there, but Iruka’s shinobi reflexes caught him right in time, a strong arm around his lover’s midriff to lay him down gently. He then stole a quick kiss from the other and somehow Kakashi still had enough energy within him to bite Iruka’s bottom lip, which just got an exhausted chuckle as a consequence. The younger shinobi just smiled tiredly at his lover before groaning as Kakashi began to grind his hips against his side again.

“I don’t want to overwork you, you greedy bastard.”

“Mhm, it felt really good though. You can’t give me treats and then deny me any more. You didn't even...—”

“Oh, so you _enjoyed_ yourself?”

Iruka smiles as he settles against his lover, gently cuddling up to the other shinobi and kissing Kakashi’s jawline as the other man grunted, apparently defeated by exhaustion. But Iruka could tell by how much Kakashi curled into him that his goal was achieved, so he just smiled and gently dragged his free hand through the silver hair, smoothing it over while Kakashi’s breathing began to even out against his shoulder.

“If you ever need anything, _anything_ at all… Just tell me, Kakashi. If you need me to get rid of your pain, I will do that however I can.”

“How sappy of you, sensei.”

But Iruka is certain that when Kakashi reached over to press a soft kiss to his lips, there was a soft whisper of ‘_I love you too_’ against his lips and Iruka's heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest due to the sheer force of happiness those words brought him. Even as he watched his lover sleep besides him, he couldn't help but smile and promise himself that he would do everything in his power to protect this man from any more pain for as long as he lived.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading and if you liked/enjoyed it, feel free to drop a kudo or a comment down below!


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